Are you grateful or resentful? The answer to this question will determine your present.
An attitude of gratitude will determine your happiness as well as your present. Our daily choices are creating our daily life. Make these choices from an attitude of gratitude, because gratitude lets you see the good in the ugly, the positive in the negative, and the solution in the problem. It empowers you to overcome present struggles to have a better future. Therefore, choose wisely, because we all reap what we sow.
Meaning and Responsibility
The influential psychotherapist Dr Viktor E. Frankl, himself a Holocaust survivor, referred to the famous German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche that if you have a 'why to live,' you can 'bear with almost any how'[1]. The reason for your existence will give you strength in the present, even if that is a season of pain, difficulty or suffering. As Winston Churchill used to say in the context of Nazi bombardment and the War, 'If you're going through hell, keep going.' Frankl built his so-called logotherapy to help people through their trauma and torments by helping them find 'a firm pattern of meaning and responsibility' in life.[2] Frankl would 'reorientate [his patients] towards the meaning of life,' with a focus 'on the future,' that is, 'the meanings to be fulfilled by the patient in his future.' To Frankl, life as 'authentic and genuine,' is such when it is according to 'man's desire for a life that is as meaningful as possible.' In fact, 'Man's search for meaning is the primary motivation in life...'[3] Frankl's lessons in Yes to Life In Spite of Everything,[4] is a powerful witness to overcoming suffering with the right attitude in life.
Dr Jordan Peterson draws on Frankl's line of thought, that one can find meaning in life by embracing responsibility.[5] True, 'Life is suffering,' yet Peterson is certainly right when stating that, although some people 'who experience evil may certainly desire to perpetuate it, ... it is also possible to learn good by experiencing evil.'[6] Some people won't cause the pain they themselves suffered onto others - that's character and courage. Resentful people would want others to suffer too; yet such an attitude of revenge, often mistaken for justice, won't make a wrong right. The only way to overcome the trap of resentfulness and the prison of bitterness is an attitude of forgiveness and gratitude. And with such an attitude, one has to 'pursue what is meaningful'[7] in life and find fulfilment in one's meaning of life.
Without meaning, life is void. Without a reason to live, life is unbearable. Having nothing to look forward to makes one miserable; not having anything or anyone to live or care for, harbours a destructive nihilism. Avoid these traps. As we remain grateful for what we have, our eyes will easier see beauty in life and appreciate the things that give us meaning. In this way, our present will become meaningful and beautiful. Life isn't about having everything, but appreciating everything. An attitude of gratitude should be part of our lifestyle.
Gratitude as a Lifestyle
The biblical instruction towards a practical solution to deal with life's challenges and difficulties, is an attitude of gratitude towards God in all circumstances: 'in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus' (1 Thessalonians 5:18). An attitude of gratitude is not simply wishful thinking or a well-intended recommendation; it is the very will of God. It is the will of God because it is the only proper attitude in life and appropriate response to life's suffering. Gratitude is the antidote to resentment and bitterness. Through gratitude we see the beauty in life despite its many troubles and often great pain. Gratitude empowers us to appreciate what we have and not become resentful over what we've lost. Gratitude as such has to be a lifestyle, or the guiding attitude in our lives. What are the things you're grateful for? Perhaps you should write them down.
'Count your blessings,' as they say; it might sound a bit cheesy, but it really helps to be grateful for what you have, rather than becoming resentful for what you don't have. Gratitude also presents us from becoming entitled: 'someone owes me.' This attitude will make you compare in such a way that you start devaluing what you do have, and perhaps to such an extent that you even lose what once was precious to you. Don't compare; be grateful instead.
Gratitude and Humility
Gratitude requires humility. Where there is humility, there is God's grace, and that grace gives power and peace for life, especially when things go wrong. Once humility is lost, grace is lost too. God gives His grace only to the humble; He even resists the proud (1 Peter 5:5). Grace empowers us, and such grace is found in humility before God. Humility can accept that certain things weren't meant to be or that sometimes things do go wrong. It can handle life's unexpected disappointments, but trusts God to turn everything into something good. Humility allows us to remain grateful in all circumstances. Humility keeps us from pride and its destructive power. Humility keeps the flow of God's grace into our lives open. Choose humility; its rewards are 'riches, honour and life' (Proverbs 22:4).
Not all of life's circumstances are as dramatic is Frankl's experiences in the Holocaust, or the sufferings in Soviet Gulags, or other such horrible situations. Yet if a right attitude to life could help these people overcome unspeakable suffering, it will surely help us. The sufferings others endured, such that are often worse than our own, also puts our own into perspective. That's not to downplay our own struggles, because the pain is real; yet it helps keep a more balanced perspective and even gain courage from others who went through the same or worse. We can learn from these heroic people and improve our present, while it also paves a way for a better future.
Perseverance and Strength
The only way to endure the difficulties and pain in life is with an attitude of perseverance. Through this, in turn, we will gain great strength. Life either makes us or break us. As some claim, life is 10% of what happens to us, but 90% of how we respond to it. The percentage certainly varies according to individual circumstances, but our response has the power to influence the outcome of our respective situations. Gratitude will greatly help us patiently endure suffering until things improve again. Weeping might endure for the whole night, but as long as joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5b), we're all good. The Psalmist himself had an attitude of gratitude when he wrote that (v 4) and was a person of humility in the suffering he patiently endured. David, later king of Israel, endured great suffering and injustice, yet became stronger in the process and it eventually made him the great leader he was.
Another man noteworthy in this regard is Paul of Tarsus. He, too, endured a lot of pain and persecution that caused him much trouble and discomfort. Yet his attitude of humility, gratitude and perseverance made him better not bitter. He greatly rejoiced in God's love and grace, forgiving and saving the 'chief of sinners.' But Paul also knew that one cannot just be happy when everything is going well in life; one has to face the realities of life and become strong. One has to remain grateful and endure 'tribulations,' which bring about 'perseverance' (Romans 5:3). If we don't endure under tribulation, we break. If we do endure, perseverance brings forth 'proven character' in us (v 4). This strength of character, free of bitterness and resentfulness, eventually creates a 'hope' in us, a hope that won't disappoint (v 5). Such hope, based on strength of character after enduring tribulations, makes us undefeatable, as we learn to respond adequately to and endure suffering properly. Paul knew how to overcome 'tribulation,' 'distress,' 'persecution,' or 'peril,' through the One who loved him (Romans 8:35-39). When God is for you, who can be against you? (vv 31-32). When God is your light and salvation, whom shall you fear? When God is your defence, whom shall you dread? (Psalm 27:1).
James wrote of enduring the trials of life, which produce endurance and maturity (1:2-4), and one will receive the 'crown of life' and be blessed by God (v 12). In the meanwhile, God provides divine wisdom of how to endure these trials, which teaches us to do the right thing in these trying circumstances (v 5). The keys to enduring properly is holding fast to your confidence in God, doing the will of God no matter what, and living by faith to persevere (Hebrews 10:35-39). Even business or sports experts will tell you that often the difference between failure and success is found in endurance. While you endure difficulties, look for things you can be grateful for and appreciate them.
The strength gratitude provides, will become stability to our lives.
[1] Gordon W. Allport in his Preface to Viktor E. Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, page 9.
[2] Ibid., page 7.
[3] Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning. London: Rider, 2004, page 104-106.
[4] Viktor E. Frankl, Yes to Life In Spite of Everything. London: Rider, 2019.
[5] Jordan B. Peterson, 12 Rules for Life. An Antidote to Chaos. Canada: Random House, 2018.
[6] Ibid., page 153.
[7] Ibid., page 161ff.
Gratitude is the right attitude 🙏